I should keep writing; I've already started to feel as though my brain's starting to slow down and glitch out, being so exposed to mainly technical terminology and colloquial language over the course of the average day. I'm not even sure I will be able to retain my writing ability much longer for the lines I type are more and more so ending with semi-colons the more I dive into my major. Hopefully it's not merely a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In addition to getting my brain back to 100%, I need to incrementally learn how to see into the future. It's a carnal weakness this flaw, and I can't fathom how I can learn to piece together the now and the days that have yet to come. It just takes common sense and rationality so that my current actions, omitting fate and chance, dictate what is to happen in the future. We reap the seeds we have sown. I have so much respect for individuals who 1) can foresee failure if they don't put in the effort now or 2) at least set aside time before any undesirable outcome may arise. Throughout my whole life, it's just been evolution through experience. It's hard for me to see the short-term, let alone the long-term, repercussions of my actions, and I fucking hate it. Most of the time I act upon impulse and on the times I make an educated guess, my rate of accuracy is still far from anywhere near the threshold I'm expecting. Maybe I'm setting unreasonable demands and I'm wondering whether this falls under a lack of intelligence or wisdom? Possibly intuition.

Rather than not being judicious enough, I think I just don't have enough concern, or for a lack of a better phrase give enough fucks, to carefully consider any of the fruits of my doing. I see so many others worry over deadlines and consequences of not meeting expectations but I can't convince myself to see these goals as absolute. If I had the insight to connect the chain of cause and effect I would see my eventual crash-and-burn and work towards preventing that. With my academic and professional goals, my fitness regimen, diet, time-management, I could be making such better decisions and my potential is hampered by this lack of insight for how things are going. Even though I am putting in a decent amount of effort in my tasks it seems as though it's all due to habit and discipline rather than working towards a specific long-term end goal. I'm just လေနေဒါ due to my upbringing and despite falling over repeatedly in life the epiphanies I make to reevaluate don't stick for too long before my head rises back into the clouds.

This is what I mean by being able to see the future: to be able to use data from the present to predict, link and analyze potential outcomes, and optimize for the best one in regards to the long term. I've been so out of it; I'd love to be more conscientious about the current and its flow through time.