https://open.spotify.com/track/16n1efJXH2hH3bmNeQjg1T

while i have a coherent mind

i'm turning into a robot. working on schoolwork + job prep + side projects all the time, i'm starting to lose touch with my personality. this is good for the resume but in terms of social repercussion i'm definitely feeling the impact.

on one hand i think this is beneficial for productivity. the mindset is that most other problems are menial; just focus on the work you have to finish and you achieve your goals at a faster pace. all of us go through a similar day to day schedule honestly without updating others on what's going on with you each passing day there's not much of a difference in how your day runs. to elaborate i had the mentality at the start of the quarter that often, talking can turn into an unnecessary time sink that can be purposeless, empty.

words uttered solely to fill up the uncomfortable space of silence

but i've lost my interest in people's lives; i nod i smile i listen as they tell me stories about their day, their problems, but i'm not really there. i think they can sense it too, my superficial questions, the fake laughs, the lackluster look in my eyes. they themselves start to share less, expose less emotion, and the rally decays and dies off. i could just be fatigued; i'm pretty drained by evening most days of the week.

all these conversations are so bland.

i need to opt to either continue being a zombie or try to regain the person i was before. i don't mind becoming a boring person but it hinders me from truly connecting to people. its all so fake, i fucking hate it. i'd like to think i had charisma before no i definitely did. gotta start doing less or manage a better work/life/sleep balance.

Feedback: "i think you're trying to look aesthetic with the love for bad grammar and irregular capitalization but it makes the post look trashy lmao"